duped
I felt a strange touch of sadness when I wasn’t able to say goodbye. My death row patient shouted out to me as he was being wheeled past the PT gym. On par with the death row transfers, he was escorted out to the custody van, his transfer out of the prison was evident. “Hey Dr T, I’m done here!”
An older man, with a complicated health history, I had been working with him for several months. He was always thankful for our sessions. He asked for multiples of my Gratitude cards, one of each color. We had shared laughs. Thumb wars (part of hand therapy). He was an avid reader of Native American tarot.
And he meditated and practiced Qi Gong daily–using a book he had on it to move his energy, his anger. It was a helpful practice to improve his function after several cardiac related brain insults.
He talked about his dog growing up. And friendly rivalry with his older sister. He had spoken adamantly about not being a proponent of the prison lifestyle and wanted youngsters to not think of it as a badge of honor or something to strive for. “It’s no joke.”
I hadn’t known what his crime was. Until I did. After he was gone I was curious. I’m not sure if I’m grateful I didn’t know or I wish I had. Because I surely would have been more standoffish in our sessions. And I do try to see the person in front of me. But when you know, you know.
He did awful things to women. Several. Too many. And he had initially admitted to his crimes. Though with me he kept saying he was appealing because of this or that. His other past appeals had been denied.
It’s a stark reminder that I need to remember where I work. Part of me feels duped. The other part sees someone that was perhaps changed by his time. But one fact sticks out. While he stated multiple times, certain reasons why he should be freed, he never once mentioned remorse for the reasons he was incarcerated in the first place.
I always think I’m grateful that I don’t hear all the details that the mental health therapists tend to hear.
But what’s different about our work….we physically touch them. We’re physically close to them in ways other professionals may not be. We don’t have the barrier of the telephone sized cage to sit between us.
And regardless of knowing or not knowing his crime, I would have had to work with him. That’s the nature of this work, to be present for the human in front of us. I’m grateful we shared good natured laughs and nothing more.
And yet, remember where you work.
*just to note, I’ll be leaving out the name of the institution that I work at. It’s a state prison for reference. Images are not from the prison as no devices are allowed in.
Prison PT 
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